7 Mistakes that Rob you of Happiness

Happiness is something we all desire, yet it can sometimes feel like an enigma, slipping through our fingers when we are just about to reach for it. As we embark on this journey of life, we encounter a multitude of experiences, each with the potential to either lift us up or drag us down. But did you know that there are some detrimental mistakes that rob you of happiness?

It is natural to stumble upon roadblocks and have some down days, but sometimes these negative emotions are of our own making. Often, without even realizing it, we make the mistakes that stealthily rob us of the joy we seek.

In this blog post, I am hoping to shine a light on these happiness-draining mistakes and offer valuable insights on how to break them and live happier. By identifying and understanding these mistakes, we can empower ourselves to reclaim our happiness and have a more fulfilling life.

Obviously, I am only human and I also have down days, so I cannot claim to be any kind of “happiness expert”. But throughout the challenges I have faced so far in life, I have encountered many ways I have been sabotaging my own happiness. I hope by sharing them with you now, you can reach happiness and fulfilment in an easier way than I did!

You think Happiness is a Destination

The first and biggest mistake that is robbing you of happiness is thinking that happiness is the final destination. Like you are working towards happiness and “one day” you will be happy and then live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, this is not how it works in the real world. You don’t just finally reach happiness and then stay there. At risk of sounding very cliché, Happiness is a journey.

Now you may think that this is a bad thing because once you find happiness it means you can lose it again. But I would encourage you to look at the incredible positive of this realisation.

You can reach happiness today! Happiness is not some elusive thing that you have spend your whole life working towards. Happiness is a state of mind that anyone can reach at any time as long as they find the right mindset.

I have found this way of thinking invaluable as even when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I know I have the power to find happiness in that day. This makes happiness feel like a much more attainable goal.

You find your Happiness from the Outside

Another big mistake is always relying on things in the outside world to make you happy. Whether that is drinking your favourite coffee in the morning, buying new clothes or even going out with friends. Although these are great things that bring us joy, we can’t rely on them alone.

What would happen if they suddenly were not there anymore? You would have no source of happiness and suddenly be miserable all of the time?

One of the most extreme but relevant examples of this for all of us was during 2020. Suddenly, we could not go out with our friends or go shopping. We found ourselves without many of the joys we became so used to having in our lives. And generally speaking, we were miserable.

To avoid being so reliant on outside factors to make you happy, you need to start finding happiness from within yourself. And I don’t just mean spiritually, as I know that can be a very difficult and polarising topic for many of us.

Being able to be happy with yourself, on a quiet day inside with no-one else around seems to be a bit of a lost art. But it is so important for our mental health.

You are going to be stuck in your own head for life, so you have got to make sure it is a nice, happy and most importantly self-sustaining place to be.

You Never Stop to Smell the Roses

In modern society, we rarely have any time to slow down. We are all constantly on the go with work or education and family and relationships and kids. It is a wonder we have any free time at all!

Although many of these things are important parts of life, they don’t always leave enough time for you to stop and smell the roses.

I want you to take a moment and look at where you are in life. Now it may not be perfect, but I guarantee you that in some way, you once dreamed of being where you are now.

For example, for 4 long years, I dreamt of the day I would have completed my Masters degree and be free of education for good. But with the stresses of adult life, I rarely stop to appreciate how far I have come and how happy I am with where I am in life now.

We should all take time out of our lives to stop and appreciate where we are now. Especially as so many of us have dreamt about this very moment.

You are Not Being You

I am a big believer in being unapologetic about who you are. We are all unique and that fact should be celebrated without exception.

But so many of us spend our time conforming to wider society that we slowly lose what makes us, us.

It is so important that we are our authentic selves with both the small things in day to day life and with big things in life as a whole. If wearing odd socks makes you happy on a dreary Monday, then you should do that and not feel embarrassed about it! If you want to sing your way down the street on a rainy dog walk then go for it! (having done this on several occasions, I can say it really does make the rain a lot more bearable!).

Be unapologetically you and you will find yourself reaching happiness much more often!

You let others Dictate when you should be Happy

This leads us on nicely from the previous point. Many of us base our success on a few keys points in life. Graduating, getting a promotion, buying a house and getting married are all things we should apparently be striving for. And when you reach one or all of these life milestones, you should be happy, right?

Wrong!

Just because everyone says these things should make you happy does not mean they will. In fact, the pressure of reaching these milestones could push you even further away from happiness.

Other people cannot say what will make you happy. Only you know what will make you happy and following other people’s dreams for you is not the way to do it.

If you want all of those milestones then great! But don’t start working towards something just because you think it is what you should do. There is no better way to sap yourself of happiness than working towards something that is not your dream.

Make sure you are following the path that will make you happy and not the path that other’s think will make you happy.

You don’t live in the “Now”

In order to be happy, you must first be present.

This is a mistake that is so easy to make, but so difficult to realise. If you think about the happiness you felt as a small child, you will realise it was not only a stronger feeling of happiness, but it was also much easier to achieve. This is because children live in the present! They wake up and go where the day takes them with no thought of the past or the future. I think this is the secret to pure joy.

As adults we are either stuck in the past, worrying about the future or some chaotic mess of both. But if you truly want to be happy you cannot let your past define you. Once you have learnt to let go of past events or regrets you are officially free to live in the present.

Similarly, you cannot keep wishing your life away by constantly worrying about the future. I know this one is definitely easier said than done but my favourite way of overcoming worry comes from the philosophy of:

“Worrying means you suffer twice.” -Newt Scamander

Once you have learned to let go of the past, and not worry too much about the future, you will be able to tap into the child-like happiness of living in the present.

You think you are “Paying your Dues”

The final mistake that is robbing you of happiness is centred mostly on how you feel about your career or current working status.

Most of us cannot walk into our dream job straight out of education. (Wouldn’t that be amazing though!).

Because of this, we have all learnt to “pay our dues” to some extent. We stay in jobs we don’t like to make money to survive or to try to climb the career ladder. And although this is an unfortunate part of life, I think the notion of “paying our dues” has definitely taught us to put up with too much.

If you are truly miserable in your job every single day, then you should quit and find something new. Do not think that you have to stick it out just so you can pay your dues. There are many other jobs out there where you can pay your dues that won’t make you utterly miserable.

I encourage you to drop the idea of “paying your dues” and instead try to strive towards what will make you happy, even if you can’t reach your dream job just yet.

Conclusion

Being aware of the mistakes that rob you of happiness is the first step towards reclaiming your joy and fulfilment. By recognising these mistakes I hope that you can now have the opportunity to make a positive change in your life.

Just remember that happiness is a journey, not a destination. If you want to find happiness then you must constantly work for it and make an ongoing effort to practice mindfulness and personal growth. Although it may not be easy, the pursuit of happiness will always be worth it! So here’s to a happier life for us all!